Deep

I feel like I could cry. I feel I could curl up and hide. I feel not so much like myself, but as a shell. Myself is deep inside of this shell, waiting. Waiting for what I'm not so sure. The pains I have been experiencing have gone on for too long. Those pains that just pick at you and taunt you every second of every moment. My thoughts are clouded by the pains. I'm unable to concentrate for long, although my attention span was short to begin with.

Not that things get boring, its just the clouds get in the way and I cannot see past my nose. I guess that's why I feel like myself is buried so deep. So deep I can't find a way out? Or maybe I'm so deep I'm stuck. Either way, I'm a shell at the moment. Not a very hard shell at that, the kind that's able to be dented.

Lord help this shell to survive. Give me the strength to provide a loving shelter for those in my home. Give me the patience to discipline when needed. Lord help my responses, and curb my reactions.
It's through Christ's finished work on the cross that I can pray this,
Amen

Paint

Sometimes a little paint can change everything. I don't have before pictures of these things, but I have loved re making them. Remaking them into lovely functional pieces for our home. And I know that in 5 years if these are covered in stickers and colored markers and peeling paint, iI didn't spend much money and enjoyed my accomplishment.

Hot

I think it's been hot everywhere for a few weeks. The temperature might be up there, but it's nothing compares to the shock of these little bad boys.

Yes those are hot peppers. When we purchased the little plant, the tag said " chocolate" pepper. Well unless they were thinking Mexican chocolate, these are not the right plant. Cracks me up every time our kids check in the plants for us, they talk about how the red ones are not chocolate.

Official

We are legally a family of five. I was way more excited than I expected myself to be. I thought it would just be another day. It was really fun to just enjoy the day and be excited for our family. We went out and we celebrated! Love our little family.

Hesitations

It's the little things that really get me. Ive been reading this book and it has what Ryan would call Nuggets. Nuggets of truth that I need to be reminded of daily. One of those is this...
In answering a specific question, and you hesitate, you give Satan a foothold. A foothold to inundate your mind with literally thousands of lies and excuses. Seriously! I am so guilty of this. Now I'm do need to clarify that lots of decisions need to be prayed about and mulled over. I'm speaking of a specific question, and other small not so significant questions.
So here I am confessing that I allow footholds in my mind on a regular basis. This is not healthy. I need to look to God for the strength, and know I have confidence to make decisions without hesitation. God give us grace. Love covers a multitude of things, good and bad.
Remember God provides for what He requires.

Bless

I want to know how to do this. Please let me know how to make it through without fumbling over myself and completely wrecking the whole thing. I have good intentions. I promise I really do. But things just come out wrong. I get in my own way. I have three left feet instead of just the normal two. To say I am uneasy about most of the things I do is sometimes an understatement. Not always though. I am immensely blessed. But with blessings comes the responsibilities to them. That is when I seem to have the most trouble. Maybe next time I will get this right. Or maybe not...

Answered

Yes. The answer was yes. She said yes, we said yes, they said yes. Most importantly God said yes, the time is now. Time to add a little one into our home. He is so small. He is a treasure. He keeps us awake at night. My hands are full, full of great things. Full of God's great gifts. Full of grace poured out onto me. And yes sometime my hands are just dirty and covered in poo or spit up. But joyous nonetheless. God has to richly blessed us. God's timing is perfect. Never what I would have expected. And that is why He is God and I am not. Praise God!