T4A

I enjoyed the T4A conference more than I can express right now. I am still processing all that I learned. Main things I learned? Gospel. Keep motivations in check. Submission. Grace. There is an orphan crisis, and it is HUGE.

Its so easy to just watch the precious adoption videos and say, "wow, that is such a sweet thing to do. Let's adopt. It looks like such a blessing." When we need a reality check. That is a video. A temporary suspension of disbelief. The words they say are much more pregnant than they appear. "it was a struggle to have to leave our son in that orphanage." cue sad kind of music. Struggle? hmm.. lets camp out on that word.

Struggle. This little word could mean, many days of heartache. Many tears. Many unspoken words. Emotions running wild. Stress on a marriage. Depression... But all we hear is that one sentence, and see the beautiful family playing together. Happily playing together.

Reality check. The real world is the glorious story of adoption by God. God made man for himself. We are his possession. What is Gods understanding of adoption? It the story of the Bible.

What is my motivation for adopting? Wow, really? That's the question of the day? I haven't quite processed that one just yet. I will need to come back to that.

Pray. Pray without ceasing. Pray in everything. James 5 tells us that God answers prayer. Pray with boldness. Pray specifically asking for those things you want. God's Will will be done. Might not be what you asked for, but His will is going to be done.

What then? after my reality check and praying boldly Whats next. Seek wise counsel. Ever wonder why this is? I never thought about it. When we are praying, we are seeking God's counsel. But He is not gonna give us a talking bush on fire. (I wish) Seek others around you. Those who have been through these types of issues. Even if you know what they are gonna say. But then also ask yourself, who am I avoiding? Huh? Avoiding. Who do I not want to ask their advice because I know its gonna conflict with my hopes. If we avoid some people to seek advice from, we might be blinding ourselves. Our vision has already been clouded by the Fall. Seek counsel.

Patience. Must be Patient. Pray. Seek counsel and wait.

Be Strong

Seeing others loving and living the promise sometimes hurts. I am in love with Adoption. But God's timing for our next child to come home is really not what I was expecting. My heart aches to hold him/her. My emotions run wild when I peer into the lives of others completing their families.
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

change

I don't like change right? But I am constantly in a state of change. That is how God has created us. To be transformed from one degree of glory to another. Meaning we will be continually molded by our wonderful Father until he takes us into glorious heaven above.

But, when I choose a change, I love it. Ususally. Until my set of plans are not completed as expected. All I want is for things to go my way, how I chose, once, just once. My mind's eye has this beautiful vision of how things will go and how they will look, and how they should be. When real life doesn't live up to my expectations, I have been known to unravel. (Lord help me to keep it together).

Temptation

There are no words to really describe the emotions that I am feeling from the dream this morning. The one thing that is maintaining in my mind is precious words from .

"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin."

This line gives me the choice. To give in to the temptation to lay in bed and cry and be angry. Or I can look up and see my Lord, who has given me the gift of life. "end of all my sin" !!! All my sin, wow that alot. The "little white" lies, the deception, manipulation, and the evil that spews out from my mouth and heart.

This beautiful song doesn't stop there. It goes deeper to tell of the intense love that God has poured out upon us sinful creatures. I love Him because he first loved me.

"Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me."

O how I long to be in heaven and be "bored" singing God's Glory all day long, forever.

Whether I needed a back to reality look at myself and my distress, or if it was a temptation to despair. I will look upward today "and see Him there, who made an end of all my sin."

Spring

Spring seems to be in the air. I found a cute, extremely easy bunny pattern. And the other thing is supposed to be a chicken. I think it needs wings or something. The kids love them. Okay they actually love throwing them across the room. At least its cheap entertainment! I found the fabric at Jo-Ann's on clearance for 97 cents. Yes I mean cheap entertainment. I might attempt these fabric eggs during a nap time. I do need to temper my extra time at the sewing machine. I need to focus on finishing little girl's Easter Dress.

time

taking the time to spend with your kids or taking the time to do the laundry. It all takes time, and motivation. I am having spurts of motivation. In the midst of a spurt I have taken on more than I should. I decided to clean my coffee maker. Then I decided since one was clean I should clean the other one. Well it took forever to finish the second one. (I know what your thinking, who needs 2 coffee pots right?) When the laundry is done, and the dishes are done, and I have a meal plan I feel so much better. I have the motivation to do more laundry and dishes, and make the meals. Funny how that spiral works. But its also funny how it just a few hours of laziness can blow it all up. Then it takes so much time to get spinning again. I need help starting my circle. Maybe some ring around the rosy will work.

Talk

When do you know that the door is closing? When your heart is heavy laden, how does one sort through it all? I have a somber stillness when I think on these things. Talking helps, but that doesn't always come out the way you want. Writing might help. We'll see.

Talk of the degradation of things meant for good, hovers over head. I want to believe that there are false reports out there and that is the information we are receiving. But I know that people are sinners and choose to do bad things all the time. I look at my own heart and see the brokenness. Is this a problem? Yes. no. I'm not sure.

We know that things can go wrong. What is our hearts desire? Whats a better question is What is God's will and desire for us? Are we to be homely or are we to be jet setters? Then after the individual conclusions, we must come together as one.

What is the purpose of the recent events in our life in regards to our current situations. We have enjoyed the abounding blessings from our diligence. I pray we will continue to be diligent.