Long overdue

I just had a big spiral of chaos. These past two months I have been living on the edge of a meltdown at all times. My emotions are so out of control, and I am just now regaining that control. Control is not something I must have, but a semblance of order is nice. I have been making good progress with regards to many things, but I have had help. A wonderful, kind, understanding and uber patient, godly Man is my mate. He is proud of me when I make a judgment call, in the midst of a crazy tornado. Proud? wow, thats not what I would have called it, I would have called it epic failure. But he is on the outside looking in, not interior. I guess if I was on the outside I might say the same thing, but I have the intimate knowledge of it all. But life since being derailed is still good. I still have food, shelter and health. My babies are healthy and safe. There is a joy to be had in the middle of the muddy mess of the spiral of chaos. If I can grab ahold, and cling to that joy then and only then will life truly make sense.