Lost

Not the tv show LOST, the feeling. I might be just as confused as the ending of said show. My heart aches. I try to do much, and rely on the wrong things. My strength comes from The Lord, but it's hard to put everything out there. I'm taught to be self sufficient. That never turns out well. I've attempted to rely on others help and they fail. I'm not sure how I've made the decisions to reach out horizontally and know it will fail, when I know a vertical reach always leads me perfectly. I'm not ashamed of the friendships that I've made, but I am frustrated with them. I miss the old solid friendships that cost more gas. No really it's a money thing. I have tried to put myself out there for others and I can't not do that, but I must guard my heart. The lostness that I feel is more associated with an unreachable expectation I place on these others. They will never hold up to the bond created years ago. The timing is off, but mostly it's a personality glitch. It's just not a lost and found anymore. I'm lost, but I don't need to be found, I need a friend to be lost with me.