Cry

"Rejoice in The Lord always and again I say Rejoice."
Life would be so much easier if it was easier. But, I am called to suffer. I'm called to keep a crook, or thorn in my side. I'm learning to accept this lot I've been given. Even writing those words make me cry. I'm not ready to accept this. LORD I'm too weak for this. This is given to a stronger believer. I'm not ready for this. I just accepted my role as a white mom with a black son. Hard as it will be later, I love that boy more than I knew possible.
I'm called to suffer. For the sake of the Cross and Christ. How can chronic pain glorify God? I surely don't know the answer to that. But I'm not in charge. God is. God sees the big picture. I see a moment in my vapor of a life. Recently i heard a speaker/pastor say that we fail to see the Value of what The Lord is doing in our own life right now, and that Christ s mission is Not to relieve the difficulty, He is on mission to redeem.
I must need more redemption. I need reconciliation. With Christ, with my husband, with friends, with family.