Broke

I'm broken hearted. I'm emotional. I feel as though I've been through a death of a friend. Maybe it's the death of a friendship. It's not what I want. I'm hurt. I'm selfish, prideful, jealous, bitter and resentful. I want to throw in the towel and be done. I also want grace & love to cover the multitudes of sins.
I want this heart to heal. I don't want to be broken anymore. I'm more broken than I even know. It's not fair to my husband. He hurts for me. He hurts in other ways too. I don't want to confess my ugly heart sins. I don't want to have the ugly heart sins. I would love to respond in a way more gracious and glorifying than this.
My heart aches. But my heart is being lift up by others. Not where I thought it should come from. But I'm thankful for that.
I am so thankful and need to be more thankful. I'm loved, just in ways and by those who I didn't expect. But isn't that how God chooses thing to go? When I'm weak, He is strong. I must be brought low in order for Him to be glorified. Otherwise I could take the credit. I'm not credit worthy. I didn't do this. I'm mourning when I should be rejoicing.